Kummi adi !!

 Nishant as a child was always very social – smiling at the person on the lift, waving to the neighbors – being a perfect host to someone who comes home and so on . At school also he would try to include himself with children his age or size and try to play the games they were playing. Later in integrated school and special school also he found a few friends and connected with them in some way or the other. Once he moved into Amaze and skill training started – he was a bit taken aback as the students who joined were younger than him and often had more challenges with socializing. He made friends with the some of the staff initially. Overtime he formed “silent” bonds with his peers @Amaze and currently I am glad to see them connect and support each other. [even through meltdowns and anxiety]

https://www.patientsengage.com/personal-voices/forging-friendships-spectrum

During this period 2014-2020, we had several setbacks on the personal front – like Ram’s parent’s falling ill and then passing on, Nivi entering 8^th grade and becoming less available for social outings, my parents moving in and needing more support. Our “social circle” just shrunk and so did Nishant’s [and I must say Nivriti’s] social skills. However, we were still in touch with the extended family and weddings and events were opportunities to connect back with them. Then Covid struck and we were home bound for 2 years and for another two years we battled the illnesses of my dad’s and Ram and then suddenly lost both of them and we slid down to "zero" in terms of  socializing for more than 4 years.

In 2024 we started making concerted efforts to go out on trips, visit relatives again, go out for lunch or dinner with friends and other outings. Nishant struggled with reentering the “social” arena at times. Sometimes he would not be friendly and sometimes the whole gathering would be too overwhelming for him.  He had started being polite with the people he saw everyday acknowledging them in his own ways and connecting back with his teachers and friends too . He missed his Dad a lot so if he saw any uncle who was around his Dad’s age or had a balding head he would approach them and sometimes kiss them on the head like he would for his Dad  .It seemed inappropriate to some, but once I explained it they would not object .

Last weekend I had travelled out of town and he was at home with my mom and they had some unexpected guests. He discussed their visit with me today as follows.

 

Typed on Clicker 

Towards the end of December 2024, we went to Chennai on a 4-day trip. My aunt had arranged for a get together of the extended family. Nishant enjoyed the train travel [after 6 years] and stay at my uncle’s place [where he was pampered to the core]. He also liked interacting with his cousins who were also trying to include him as much as possible. It culminated in a whole day [9am – 5pm] meeting in a hall with a loosely held agenda as there was no formal function or event. We reached the event a bit late- at 11 am as I wanted him to at least have lunch there and not run out before that. However, Nishant was very chill and comfortable in the gathering . He was also accepted and included by the relatives [some who had never met him before – these were some distant aunts /uncles, grand aunts /uncles, and cousins]. Initially he typed that he did not know how to interact - but later figured out that he just had to go with the flow .

I made a small speech about my aunt who I love and admire a lot and I started tearing up – he came right up to me and wiped my tears and the whole hall clapped for him – it was such a poignant moment for all of us. He enjoyed the lunch and did not ask to go back after that - in fact  we stayed on till the end. My aunt had composed a “kummi” and her granddaughters had practiced to dance for it – he decided to spontaneously join them and they also sweetly included him – it was so endearing. Following hs lead everyone joined in the "kummi"  and danced with each other. It felt so nice to find unconditional acceptance from the extended family [close family was always very supportive of us]. 

 

I am so heartened by Nishant's intention to socialize and be included and that he is thinking of ways to connect and he is asking questions about how he can go about that. I really hope he can slowly increase his circle and connect to more and more friends and relatives and find joy in connecting.

Kummi:

Kumi is a traditional group dance from Tamilnadu and Kerala .Here Kummi is an important social activity which brings the community together especially during festivals, harvest seasons, and family occasions. Primarily performed by women, this vibrant dance form combines rhythmic clapping, dynamic movements, and heartfelt singing to create a captivating experience. Rooted in agrarian societies, Kummi reflects the simplicity and harmony of rural life, making it a treasured expression of collective joy and unity. [Explanation adapted from the internet]